Ignu Reads

             

                      “Let me speak. Do not interrupt me. I have no time to listen to you,”

 

 

The story of firdaus is a remarkable one, it represents the hardships women go through in Egypt as many middle Eastern countries and patriarchal societies. Firdaus’s storytelling is moving, heartfelt, and honest. A story of victim of capitalism, patriarchy and oppressive regime of Sadat.

Nawal Saadawi is an Egyptian Anarcho-feminist, doctor, novelist, and leftist revolutionary, if you want to know more about her ( click here ) .  Saadawi was conducting a study on the effects of prison on female prisoners when she came across Firdaus in Qanatir Prison. She heard of Firdaus from a doctor who believed that Firdaus is incapable of killing a man and thus unworthy of a death penalty. Firdaus refused to see anyone, she barely ate, but after repetitive appeals from Nawal to meet her, she finally agreed to tell her story a day before the judgment .

Firdaus’ struggle is to claim her body as her own. Since her childhood, decisions concerning her were never hers to take, her parents cut off her clitoris at a young age. Her uncle took her away when her parents died, and then he did whatever he pleased with her fragile body, eventually he forced her to marry a man so old when she was only 19 of age. Men in the street look at her as if her body existed only for them, to please them.

Firdaus comes from a poor family, she got to school and had a high school certificate, but she never made it to the university. First reason, her uncle was a man of religion, a scholar, and for him it was shameful to his honor to send his niece to a mixed university where she will be seated side by side to men. Second reason, her uncle saw her dowry could help him, and make him get rid of her. Firdaus wanted to finish her studies, she liked to read, it gave her room for imagining a bigger greater world where she can escape.

Women in the story all suffer from imprisonment, an invisible cage designed to trap women. All females that Firdaus encountered are living in illusions, weather it is marriage, work, religion, or respect. Firdaus did every role a woman is destined to do in a patriarchal society, she did the housewife, the daughter, the student, the worker, and the prostitute, and she came up with the conclusion that all of these only imprisoned her. All men in the story sought of Ferdaus as a territory made for them, her father to beat her, and everyone else to abuse her sexually, literally all men she met.

She was never expected to have an opinion on things, until she escaped the marriage. She was surprised and confused when she was asked weather she prefers oranges or tangerines. Nawal Saadawi took it that far to accentuate the extent women are not allowed to have a taste of their own, to not have a choice.

Firdaus embraces death. For her it is liberating, it is freeing. Death alone can save her from her misery, and her destiny of a woman. She believes that women whatsoever their class, or status are suppressed, are not free from male dominance, and she wants to escape her destiny.

I Believe that this is a must read for feminist from all over the world, it is relevant, poignant, and moving. The storyline is relatable for women from all regions of the world. Plus it is a short but powerful read.

There are boys lying awake, hating themselves. There are boys screwing for the right reasons and boys screwing for the wrong ones. There are boys enraptured by love that they can’t get their hearts to slow down enough to get some rest, and other boys so damaged by love they can’t stop picking at their pain. There are boys who clutch secrets at night in the same way they clutch denial in the day. There are boys who do not think of themselves at all when they dream. There are boys who will be woken in the night. There are boys who fall asleep with phones to their ears.

I just finished reading Two Boys Kissing few minutes ago, then I went for a cigarette as my mind is sorting out the emotions in my head, I feel angry and satisfyingly proud of the achievements of our community, although on a grand universal scale the war for freedom is still fiercely being fought, in the twenty first century people are still being decapitated or jailed for being gay. I haven’t posted anything on the blog for a while because I had too much on mind and couldn’t focus on anything else, my family just found out that I am gay, they are in denial about it, they’re acting very weird, like they don’t want to lose me for something so sinful and disgusting, so they are holding on, avoiding, moping, they are trying to get closer to me, they ask me about my friends specially my male friends and how I got to know them and stuff, indirectly picking out the-might-be sex friend or boyfriend. I thought of escaping to the one thing I know best which is reading, I thought of The Destiny of Me, by Larry Kramer to make me feel better, a sense of consoling solidarity, to remind myself of who I am, to weep as the main character loses himself in his painful childhood memories, but that play led me to think of a book closer in theme, and closer to my experience and heart, Two Boys Kissing, by David Levithan.

Two Boys Kissing tells, simultaneously, the story of eight characters as they come to terms with their sexualities and gender, as they define themselves, as they are defined and challenged by others, eight characters that are although very separate physically, still they connect, in fact essential to each others in ways they don’t yet recognize. The two main characters are the one performing a kiss, a kiss that will set up the Guinness record of the longest kiss, in fact the kiss did happen outside the story of David Levithan in 2013, in the book it is performed by Craig and Harry, former boyfriends, but yet they did it together to show the world that love is equal, that two boys kissing is okay, bu they did it after Tariq, another character in the book, got beaten up in the street by some homophobic group of guys, in fact they did know him only after this incident.

The books takes us into the the lives of five other character, Cooper, Avery, Ryan, Peter and Neil. Cooper is very hard on himself, he is always behind the screen of his laptop, taking refuge in sex gay apps talking to strangers but never meeting any of them, because it is so hard for him to accept that his sexuality is not only virtual, that it extends to his real life, but he had to confront that when his parents find out that he is gay from his online conversations, which came as shock to them specially in the way they found out, Cooper finds himself aimlessly in the street with his beat down self. Avery has pink hair, and Ryan has blue hair, they meet in a gay prom, they danced and exchanged numbers in hope to get catch up; Avery is a boy born in the body of a girl, and he is  undergoing a transition to his real skin, so we get a peak at how it feel to grow up in a different skin, how it is hard to be born in the wrong body, and most of all how hard to find love when you had to explain to people all of this, but Ryan is different, Ryan understands, their relation is so sweet and cute, it makes you want to fall in love. Then there is Peter and Neil, in fact Neil is the character that made me want to read this book all over again, I weirdly relate to him now because I am going through the same thing with my family, his Korean background and my own north African background are both alienated from the other characters, his family and my family are both in denial and avoiding the unpleasant fact of our sexualities, Neil and I both feel lost between acceptance and rejection.

The perspective of the story is the most interesting in the book regarding the style of writing,  the story is told from the view a Greek Chorus of gays who died of AIDS, they are the ones who takes us around and tells us about the characters, they also tell us about the change from their time up to now. They are very important in the book, they had to be present to witness a memorable and challenging event such as two boys setting the world record of the longest kiss, they add the item of nostalgia and wisdom to the book, sometimes you feel like they are directly talk to you which makes it more engaging and emotional. Walt Whitman poetry in the book signifies the change between the two eras, in the old times where they used to read his poetry in their closets, and in nowadays where it is celebrated and read in public.

The eight characters all go through a situation so violent and intense, some of them have a breakdown in their family kitchen asking for recognition , for approval from their parents like Neil, while Cooper got punched by his dad, was called a whole, was denied oblivion. Avery had to deal with people’s stares when he went for girls’  bathroom, and as we learned it is a day-to-day struggle,  Ryan got humiliated by some homophobic peers, almost got beaten up he and Avery.  Tariq was hospitalized after a very violent homophobic attack. Craig and Harry during the kiss endure physical pain, and the outrage of homophobic protesters, and Craig had to deal alone with his parents not supporting him, not coming back to witness and celebrate his accomplishment, in addition to all the memories of his relationship with Harry coming back all at once, like an unfinished business.

Nonetheless, the book also shows the positive side, the solidarity of family, specially moms and the cause the kiss is defending. Family is a central theme in the book, the eight characters come from very different backgrounds, some families like Harry’s are there to support their son with all they could, some of them can’t really stomach it, others slowly start to come to terms with it, and finally  some freak out that their outrage will result them losing their son. The book explore how far can go to harm you and make you feel bad about yourself, but at the same there will be those who lift us up, make us feel better, take our hands the whole way through.

Two Boys Kissing has been challenged since it came out, conservative claim that it has sexual explicit language, and others conceal their homophobia behind the cover, they say it is inappropriate for kids to see two boys kissing in a bookstore, or in their school libraries. Actually, it is considered one the ten most challenged books of the year according to Office Of Intellectual Freedom, what is more confusing is that most of these books mentioned deal with LGBTQ+ issues, so the question is not about suitability of these books for the young readers as much as it is purely homophobia. Some parents claim that the book doesn’t appeal to a wide audience, and it is provokingly against school libraries policies, but at the same school libraries you find straight couples kissing, which only proves the point.

David Levithan wrote the book to show the progress the LGBT community is undergoing, yet expose the homophobia that backfires whenever it gets the chance, and his point is accurate considering the attack on the book.

           

 

        A big part of why I started this blog is interacting with my younger self, to understand and process the ideas and feeling that were going in my mind at the time, and this book played a big role in shaping who I am, although at this age I wish I had at the time read more philosophy and more complex literature as often as I read young adult book, but I never regret any moment I spent on reading this book when just came out, it’s five out of five for me, beautifully written, spectacularly representative of the mind of a fifteen/sixteen gay boy living in a rough violent neighborhood, perfect stream of consciousness, and almost perfect execution, I once read that we know that a book is good when it transports us and this book does it, at least for me

This book transported me to a time where being different wasn’t tolerated in all the states, people had to struggle to be who they are even within themselves. It’s almost like Larry Kramer or Tennessee Williams mixed in a young adult book, and it’s so cool. I really love the spirit of the book, and the message it stands for.

Well, Aristotle is a fifteen year old boy, he is Mexican living in a very rough neighborhood, his brother is in prison, and his older twin sisters are twelve years older than him, so he is so distant in age and even physically from his siblings, and even the ones that are close to him are distant except for his mother, and by the way I really loved his mom, but his father is inscrutable, he is fighting his own battles of Vietnam War inside of him. Aristotle is very reserved, he doesn’t have any friends , he doesn’t like to hung out around guys, and he couldn’t stay around in boy scouting, anyway he is very deep in personality, he thinks of some deep existential things inside of him, he has too many mysteries or secrets out there in the universe that he feels he should demystify in order to feel a more halcyon state of mind.

The book starts in the beginning of summer and Aristotle is processing the summertime sadness, I feel it whenever I finish a school year because of my friends at college live very far away and I miss them, but for me now it seems permanent, I just finished college so yeah I totally got under the skin of the fifteen year old friendless Ari for whom summer is hellish, until he meets Dante, a fifteen year old Mexican boy who is very smart, open, and hungry for knowledge, but he is also as lonely as Aristotle.

In Dante he finds consolation, he shares with him all his unanswered questions, for example why his brother is in prison, and why his dad is keeping secrets inside, and why he has to follow rules.

Their friendship develops in ups and downs, sometimes they’re reading to each others, other times they are watching the starts for a telescope, sometimes they’re saving birds, or analyzing paintings or Dante trying to sketch Aristotle. But the most heart breaking thing for me in the book, spoiler alert, is to see Aristotle unconsciously fighting who he is, he keeps running away from Dante at times, and he is afraid of becoming like him, and also it broke my heart to see Dante trying to make him jealous.

The main theme for me in the book is the transition from boyhood, to manhood. First of all, Ari and Dante gradually grow up in the course of events, and their actions change from their fifteen selves to their sixteen grown up selves, in the beginning of the book they’re throwing shoes in the middle of the street, and jumping around, or just talk about their problematic questions concerning the universe, but as they grow up, Ari became physically stronger and Dante was experimenting drugs and kissing boys and girls to figure out what he prefers, in the beginning of the book Ari’s mom had a rule about drinking an in the end she places a beer in front of him knowing that he already drinks. Moreover, what is most important, in the start Dante and Aristotle were attached emotionally which was okay as long as they kept it secretive, but they become very physically attracted to each others in the end of the book, there is even this scene where they go out from the truck naked under the rain in the desert. Second of all, both Dante and Aristotle think that by being themselves they’re going to disappoint their parents which creates a heavy burden for kids to carry, for Aristole there is the shadow of his brother, he feels obliged to behave, and be polite, and for Dante, being the only kid, he thinks he is taking away his parents expectations of having grandchildren.

Another theme in the book was family solidarity. At the beginning of the book I hated Ari’s mom, I thought she was stereotypically YA mom, but as the story unfolds we discover how strong she was and the hardships she has been through first with her husband going to war, and later on with her son going to prison, I would love to say more, but I encourage you to discover his mom on your own, but his mom is also concerned about Ari, she can see through him, she notices the struggle and pain inside of him, that’s a very painful event for parents when they see their kids struggling with their own insecurities but can’t actually save them no matter what. Family solidarity is also presented in Ari’s Aunt Ophelia who was living with her lifetime female lover, and it was breathtaking to read that part in the book, the depth of the book extends to a very hard past, Ophelia was abandoned by her family, they rejected, and no one came to her funeral except for Ari and his family, that was so sad.

Now the most important theme is homosexuality in the context of the eighties in Mexico. The Author could have chosen to write about a contemporary love story, but he chose to transport us back to a dark place the history in the LGBTQ+ community. Mexico in the book is more than a place, for me it represented every ideology that makes you hate yourself, so while Aristotle was embracing Mexico and fighting his homosexuality, Dante was trying to turn his back on Mexico, and embrace his homosexuality. There is once scene where Dante gets beaten up with four kids, and the strange question in the reader’s mind is why didn’t he run away, why he stood there and let them break his bones, for me I reckon that Benjamin wanted to show the hazards of discriminatory cultures on minorities, he wanted to put us face to face with the horrors homophobia cause.

Before his first day at school, scared Charlie decides to reach out through letters to an anonymous “Friend”, he feels the receiver will understand what he is going through. Charlie is an observer, he is distant, and closed on himself to the degree that he couldn’t share how he felt about his only close friend’s recent suicide. High school is hard, specialty if you’re going through it alone, so that’s one way to see how necessary for Charlie to have someone to talk to, to get things out of his mind about teachers, about his parents weird behavior, and his wanna be an adult sister, as well as his successful college football player brother.




“I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn’t try to sleep with

people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist.

I think you of all people would understand that because I think you of all people are alive and

appreciate what that means. At least I hope you do because other people look to you for strength

and friendship and it’s that simple. At least that’s what I’ve heard.

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to

figure out how that could be.”




So basically Charlie starts high school on a very bad note, his favorite person, his aunt Helen, as he described her is dead, and his best friend committed suicide because of problems at home, in other words adults selfish unfathomable behavior, so this “Friend” is the only alive person who he can trust. Charlie’s letters are honest, unfiltered, and melancholic, the whole concept of letters is intimate, you get the feeling that you’re a voyeur reading someone else’s secret thoughts, or diary.




Charlie throughout the book goes through different experiences and difficulties. Charlie has to confront death, and bullying, as well as a past sexual molestation, and he also has to figure out who he is, and about his own sexuality since he used to kiss boys when he was a kid and he even kissed Patrick not just once. he learns how to masturbate, how to get high, how to keep a secret, and how to say goodbye to those he loved.




While reading The Perks Of Being A Wallflower I laughed, I remembered my own experience both in college and high school trying to fit, and finding who I am, just like Charlie all of us get lost between running away from everything or putting all our energy to participate. Adolescence is a sensitive period of our lives, if we stuck in the wrong addictive habits, we might carry those habits for the rest of our lives, if we keep beating ourselves, or underestimating ourselves , it will be harder to adapt to people treating you good, you might take the wrong decision and block your potential from unfolding, and you might as well end up developing Impostor Syndrome. Remember “we accept the love we think we deserve”, so always keep reaching for new lights to see yourself.




One of the things I really loved about the book is how I rather of hating some characters, I felt sympathy and sorry for them. Chbosky gives us a glimpse of the world of young adults in the 90s, and how lost can they get trying to mimic adults, or trying to escape the difficulty of such period.





My favorite characters are basically Mary Elizabeth (Which is weird), and the teacher Bill. I can totally see their storylines rewritten for how much they are so independent as characters. For me Mary Elizabeth represents the Third Wave Punk feminist, but Chbosky was brilliant in writing her character, she is smart, opinionated, upfront about others, and one of the strongest female characters in Postmodern literature, although a lot of people might disagree (Specially those who only watched the movie), but Mary Elizabeth is a good friend to Sam, she was a good girlfriend to Charlie, it wasn’t her fault that he couldn’t get himself to talk back, she is half as obnoxious as recent YA overwritten female characters who are supposed to represent strong women. In Addition, Sam, Charlie’s sister, Susan, and Charlie’s brother’s girlfriend are also strong female characters who are independent in facing past and present issues like Sam’s sexual abuse past, Charlie’s Sister’s abortion, and violent boyfriend, or Susan who represents the pressure put on female to look beautiful to get accepted, in a way Susan is one of the ignored characters in the book who leave an impact deep down on our hearts, she is just trying as hard as everyone else to find who she is, and be accepted although if that meant pretending, which can be very alienating, in other words, those famous kids, or bullies are also trying to fit in, to be accepted, to leave an impression on people even if it was bad, to be noticed, and most of all to feel important. so from a feminist perspective, Chbosky got an A writing female characters.




My second favorite character is Bill, the cool hipster teacher, who was so necessary to the evolution of the main character Charlie, his mentoring through the honest conversations with Charlie, as well as giving Charlie different books on different essential themes such as sexuality, drug, and the inevitability of adulthood. Bill kind of reminds me of Holden Caulfield, of them grew up in the same era also known as the lost generation where it was even harder to fit in, or gracefully grow up, therefor he keeps helping Charlie, as well as the audience, all you need to do it read the book references.




Another thing that Chbosky got a straight A for is the gay characters he introduced to us in the novel, as well as giving us glimpses of how it was for gay people through the grandfather who avoids hugging males in general, even Charlie described it as odd and challenging to hug his own grandfather fearing he might not get a chance to say good-bye, and the father who was so relieved to know Charlie has a girlfriend that he gives him both a sex lesson, and a condom to practice it; Charlie belong to the 90s generation which is more tolerant towards LGBT rights, so Chbosky is sort of showing us the evolution of the American society throughout the twentieth century, he even refers to Harvey Milk. Patrick and Brad are both gay in the book, Although Patrick is quite/very open about his sexuality, Brad is very afraid of his sexuality being exposed.




The Perks Of Being A Wallflower is a perfect book to understand the shift from the lost generation, to a more lost and virtual generation. In the book, we see the rise of new mediums of communicating one’s thoughts and feelings, like mixtapes, nowadays it’s more developed so it’s a harder experience for young adults to find a “friend” who would understand them then Holden Caulfield, or Charlie. Yet, the issues the book deals with are still relevant, and even more relevant than before, the scale of drug use, suicide, depression, and alienation young adults deal with is still overwhelming.




Stephen Chbosky made The Perks Of Being A Wallflower such a remarkable work of fiction through his realist, not exaggerated style, and his tangible characters who make us contemplate our own lives, and future.




If you ever feel depressed, lonely, or misunderstood just reach out for a friend like Charlie did.




Finally, your suggestions, comments, and criticism are highly welcomed!