Ignu Reads

 

 

     I don’t believe in God. Can you understand that? Look around you man. Cant you see? The clamor and din of those in torment has to be the sound most pleasing to his ear. And I loathe these discussions. The argument of the village atheist whose single passion is to revile endlessly that which he denies the existence of in the first place. Your fellowship is a fellowship of pain and nothing more. And if that pain were actually collective instead of simply reiterative then the sheer weight of it would drag the world from the walls of the universe and send it crashing and burning through whatever night it might yet be capable of engendering until it was not even ash. And justice? Brotherhood? Eternal life? Good god, man. Show me a religion that prepares one for death. For nothingness. There’s a church I might enter. Yours prepares one only for more life. For dreams and illusions and lies. If you could banish the fear of death from men’s hearts they wouldnt live a day. Who would want this nightmare if not for fear of the next? The shadow of the axe hangs over every joy. Every road ends in death. Or worse. Every friendship. Every love. Torment, betrayal, loss, suffering, pain, age, indignity, and hideous lingering illness. All with a single conclusion. For you and for every one and everything that you have chosen to care for. There’s the true brotherhood. The true fellowship. And everyone is a member for life. You tell me that my brother is my salvation? My salvation? Well then damn him. Damn him in every shape and form and guise. Do I see myself in him? Yes. I do. And what I see sickens me. Do you understand me? Can you understand me?" -----White.

Today’s material is a play, a debate, a serious poignant soulful conversation between two men. This debate confronts you with the most delicate and grim topics, death, family, suffering, and meaning, this play is perfectly written, full of emotions, as well as an intellectual and spiritual journey for its readers. The setting is nothing but a room in a small tenement in a ghetto in Manhattan, New York, it is animated by only two nameless characters whom the playwright chose to call by their racial roots, Black and White. The play explores the clashes between two different cultures, races, classes, ideologies and beliefs in a very moving debate.
There is not a precise or complicated plot in the play, except for the pretext, Black was on his way work, White was on his way to off himself, until Black intruded in his suicide, brought him back to him place where they debate about existence, and nonexistence, where Black desperately wants to convince White not to attempt killing himself again.
The first character is an ex-convict, a man of religion, he was convicted after killing several people, yet he claims it wasn’t the worst thing he has ever done, he is black, uneducated but smart, an old man seeking redemption,  while the second character is a middle class white man, a man who is cultivated, loves art, literature, and music, at least he used to, he is a nihilist, suicidal, and pessimist, a soulless individual yearning for nonexistence
The two men embody a class of cultures, represent two separate perspectives on religion, suicide, suffering, and meaning. Basically the difference in terms of education is a milestone in the debate, first you have the white man who is great with words, he has read thousands of books in his lifetime, while the black man speaks slang southern English, the bible is the only book he believes should be read, and as the debate gets more intense both characters face the question of how much our misery is caused by our education, would we be happier not being able to see the world as it is? in other words, White can’t undo his perspective, while the Black doesn’t want to see life as it is in order to be happy, and sane, for both of them, there was this point of questioning weather they can start anew, in fact Black while being hospitalized in the jailhouse, he was a murderer, a criminal, then he was reborn after he felt God’s presence, but for White, the concept of God is something we create to start anew, to avoid guilt, he can’t seek redemption in a world doomed to suffer.
Their debate also covers the quest for meaning, Black finds meaning in solidarity, in brotherhood, and in God, but those things never gave White meaning, and the things he valued were frail and fragile, lost their charm in a sense, he used to find meaning in, as he calls it, the foundations of civilization,  music, art and culture. Black and White’s perspectives are influenced by class, not generalizing, but poorer countries are the most religious, so is the case for Black.
The debate of the play is the contrast between two individuals who have and lack what pins them to existence, what gives them meaning, but it extends as most philosophical fiction or drama to show how we relate to the things that give us meaning, what keeps us alive, and up how much of our daily lives we spend on denying the cruelty of existence, or on rejecting the lack of a prior meaning to our existence. To accentuate, for example the difference between a political activist, specially in current monarchies or for example in Saudi Arabia, see repression and fight it, while the remaining citizens are not stupid or don’t have an opinion as much as they are terrorized to see the repression that befalls them and acknowledge it as it is, because in doing so they will feel like a failure, hence  our relationship with existence, we don’t want to complicate life, we don’t want to think about things on a grand scale, deep down we all know that we are ill-fated to live in a meaninglessness.
Furthermore, responsibility and lack of duty are very important in religions to keep people alive. Religions provide individuals with a sense of belonging to a community, thus a sense of responsibility for their kins that give them sort of a meaning I their life, but without religions, a lot of atheists  consider that nature in general is our home, collective home, and we have to be responsible of preserving it all of us, the thing that gives them purpose, but for WHITE building communities is a desperate move towards fulfillment, because they are as meaningless and painful as existence, and it if for this reasons he desires death, death has no communities. White doesn’t feel obliged to be responsible for other people.
This book is a must read for any person, it gives a insightful perspective of how people relate to what gives them meaning, either you were nihilist or essentialist, religious or atheist you will find your way to relate to it.

There are boys lying awake, hating themselves. There are boys screwing for the right reasons and boys screwing for the wrong ones. There are boys enraptured by love that they can’t get their hearts to slow down enough to get some rest, and other boys so damaged by love they can’t stop picking at their pain. There are boys who clutch secrets at night in the same way they clutch denial in the day. There are boys who do not think of themselves at all when they dream. There are boys who will be woken in the night. There are boys who fall asleep with phones to their ears.

I just finished reading Two Boys Kissing few minutes ago, then I went for a cigarette as my mind is sorting out the emotions in my head, I feel angry and satisfyingly proud of the achievements of our community, although on a grand universal scale the war for freedom is still fiercely being fought, in the twenty first century people are still being decapitated or jailed for being gay. I haven’t posted anything on the blog for a while because I had too much on mind and couldn’t focus on anything else, my family just found out that I am gay, they are in denial about it, they’re acting very weird, like they don’t want to lose me for something so sinful and disgusting, so they are holding on, avoiding, moping, they are trying to get closer to me, they ask me about my friends specially my male friends and how I got to know them and stuff, indirectly picking out the-might-be sex friend or boyfriend. I thought of escaping to the one thing I know best which is reading, I thought of The Destiny of Me, by Larry Kramer to make me feel better, a sense of consoling solidarity, to remind myself of who I am, to weep as the main character loses himself in his painful childhood memories, but that play led me to think of a book closer in theme, and closer to my experience and heart, Two Boys Kissing, by David Levithan.

Two Boys Kissing tells, simultaneously, the story of eight characters as they come to terms with their sexualities and gender, as they define themselves, as they are defined and challenged by others, eight characters that are although very separate physically, still they connect, in fact essential to each others in ways they don’t yet recognize. The two main characters are the one performing a kiss, a kiss that will set up the Guinness record of the longest kiss, in fact the kiss did happen outside the story of David Levithan in 2013, in the book it is performed by Craig and Harry, former boyfriends, but yet they did it together to show the world that love is equal, that two boys kissing is okay, bu they did it after Tariq, another character in the book, got beaten up in the street by some homophobic group of guys, in fact they did know him only after this incident.

The books takes us into the the lives of five other character, Cooper, Avery, Ryan, Peter and Neil. Cooper is very hard on himself, he is always behind the screen of his laptop, taking refuge in sex gay apps talking to strangers but never meeting any of them, because it is so hard for him to accept that his sexuality is not only virtual, that it extends to his real life, but he had to confront that when his parents find out that he is gay from his online conversations, which came as shock to them specially in the way they found out, Cooper finds himself aimlessly in the street with his beat down self. Avery has pink hair, and Ryan has blue hair, they meet in a gay prom, they danced and exchanged numbers in hope to get catch up; Avery is a boy born in the body of a girl, and he is  undergoing a transition to his real skin, so we get a peak at how it feel to grow up in a different skin, how it is hard to be born in the wrong body, and most of all how hard to find love when you had to explain to people all of this, but Ryan is different, Ryan understands, their relation is so sweet and cute, it makes you want to fall in love. Then there is Peter and Neil, in fact Neil is the character that made me want to read this book all over again, I weirdly relate to him now because I am going through the same thing with my family, his Korean background and my own north African background are both alienated from the other characters, his family and my family are both in denial and avoiding the unpleasant fact of our sexualities, Neil and I both feel lost between acceptance and rejection.

The perspective of the story is the most interesting in the book regarding the style of writing,  the story is told from the view a Greek Chorus of gays who died of AIDS, they are the ones who takes us around and tells us about the characters, they also tell us about the change from their time up to now. They are very important in the book, they had to be present to witness a memorable and challenging event such as two boys setting the world record of the longest kiss, they add the item of nostalgia and wisdom to the book, sometimes you feel like they are directly talk to you which makes it more engaging and emotional. Walt Whitman poetry in the book signifies the change between the two eras, in the old times where they used to read his poetry in their closets, and in nowadays where it is celebrated and read in public.

The eight characters all go through a situation so violent and intense, some of them have a breakdown in their family kitchen asking for recognition , for approval from their parents like Neil, while Cooper got punched by his dad, was called a whole, was denied oblivion. Avery had to deal with people’s stares when he went for girls’  bathroom, and as we learned it is a day-to-day struggle,  Ryan got humiliated by some homophobic peers, almost got beaten up he and Avery.  Tariq was hospitalized after a very violent homophobic attack. Craig and Harry during the kiss endure physical pain, and the outrage of homophobic protesters, and Craig had to deal alone with his parents not supporting him, not coming back to witness and celebrate his accomplishment, in addition to all the memories of his relationship with Harry coming back all at once, like an unfinished business.

Nonetheless, the book also shows the positive side, the solidarity of family, specially moms and the cause the kiss is defending. Family is a central theme in the book, the eight characters come from very different backgrounds, some families like Harry’s are there to support their son with all they could, some of them can’t really stomach it, others slowly start to come to terms with it, and finally  some freak out that their outrage will result them losing their son. The book explore how far can go to harm you and make you feel bad about yourself, but at the same there will be those who lift us up, make us feel better, take our hands the whole way through.

Two Boys Kissing has been challenged since it came out, conservative claim that it has sexual explicit language, and others conceal their homophobia behind the cover, they say it is inappropriate for kids to see two boys kissing in a bookstore, or in their school libraries. Actually, it is considered one the ten most challenged books of the year according to Office Of Intellectual Freedom, what is more confusing is that most of these books mentioned deal with LGBTQ+ issues, so the question is not about suitability of these books for the young readers as much as it is purely homophobia. Some parents claim that the book doesn’t appeal to a wide audience, and it is provokingly against school libraries policies, but at the same school libraries you find straight couples kissing, which only proves the point.

David Levithan wrote the book to show the progress the LGBT community is undergoing, yet expose the homophobia that backfires whenever it gets the chance, and his point is accurate considering the attack on the book.

Before his first day at school, scared Charlie decides to reach out through letters to an anonymous “Friend”, he feels the receiver will understand what he is going through. Charlie is an observer, he is distant, and closed on himself to the degree that he couldn’t share how he felt about his only close friend’s recent suicide. High school is hard, specialty if you’re going through it alone, so that’s one way to see how necessary for Charlie to have someone to talk to, to get things out of his mind about teachers, about his parents weird behavior, and his wanna be an adult sister, as well as his successful college football player brother.




“I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn’t try to sleep with

people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist.

I think you of all people would understand that because I think you of all people are alive and

appreciate what that means. At least I hope you do because other people look to you for strength

and friendship and it’s that simple. At least that’s what I’ve heard.

So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to

figure out how that could be.”




So basically Charlie starts high school on a very bad note, his favorite person, his aunt Helen, as he described her is dead, and his best friend committed suicide because of problems at home, in other words adults selfish unfathomable behavior, so this “Friend” is the only alive person who he can trust. Charlie’s letters are honest, unfiltered, and melancholic, the whole concept of letters is intimate, you get the feeling that you’re a voyeur reading someone else’s secret thoughts, or diary.




Charlie throughout the book goes through different experiences and difficulties. Charlie has to confront death, and bullying, as well as a past sexual molestation, and he also has to figure out who he is, and about his own sexuality since he used to kiss boys when he was a kid and he even kissed Patrick not just once. he learns how to masturbate, how to get high, how to keep a secret, and how to say goodbye to those he loved.




While reading The Perks Of Being A Wallflower I laughed, I remembered my own experience both in college and high school trying to fit, and finding who I am, just like Charlie all of us get lost between running away from everything or putting all our energy to participate. Adolescence is a sensitive period of our lives, if we stuck in the wrong addictive habits, we might carry those habits for the rest of our lives, if we keep beating ourselves, or underestimating ourselves , it will be harder to adapt to people treating you good, you might take the wrong decision and block your potential from unfolding, and you might as well end up developing Impostor Syndrome. Remember “we accept the love we think we deserve”, so always keep reaching for new lights to see yourself.




One of the things I really loved about the book is how I rather of hating some characters, I felt sympathy and sorry for them. Chbosky gives us a glimpse of the world of young adults in the 90s, and how lost can they get trying to mimic adults, or trying to escape the difficulty of such period.





My favorite characters are basically Mary Elizabeth (Which is weird), and the teacher Bill. I can totally see their storylines rewritten for how much they are so independent as characters. For me Mary Elizabeth represents the Third Wave Punk feminist, but Chbosky was brilliant in writing her character, she is smart, opinionated, upfront about others, and one of the strongest female characters in Postmodern literature, although a lot of people might disagree (Specially those who only watched the movie), but Mary Elizabeth is a good friend to Sam, she was a good girlfriend to Charlie, it wasn’t her fault that he couldn’t get himself to talk back, she is half as obnoxious as recent YA overwritten female characters who are supposed to represent strong women. In Addition, Sam, Charlie’s sister, Susan, and Charlie’s brother’s girlfriend are also strong female characters who are independent in facing past and present issues like Sam’s sexual abuse past, Charlie’s Sister’s abortion, and violent boyfriend, or Susan who represents the pressure put on female to look beautiful to get accepted, in a way Susan is one of the ignored characters in the book who leave an impact deep down on our hearts, she is just trying as hard as everyone else to find who she is, and be accepted although if that meant pretending, which can be very alienating, in other words, those famous kids, or bullies are also trying to fit in, to be accepted, to leave an impression on people even if it was bad, to be noticed, and most of all to feel important. so from a feminist perspective, Chbosky got an A writing female characters.




My second favorite character is Bill, the cool hipster teacher, who was so necessary to the evolution of the main character Charlie, his mentoring through the honest conversations with Charlie, as well as giving Charlie different books on different essential themes such as sexuality, drug, and the inevitability of adulthood. Bill kind of reminds me of Holden Caulfield, of them grew up in the same era also known as the lost generation where it was even harder to fit in, or gracefully grow up, therefor he keeps helping Charlie, as well as the audience, all you need to do it read the book references.




Another thing that Chbosky got a straight A for is the gay characters he introduced to us in the novel, as well as giving us glimpses of how it was for gay people through the grandfather who avoids hugging males in general, even Charlie described it as odd and challenging to hug his own grandfather fearing he might not get a chance to say good-bye, and the father who was so relieved to know Charlie has a girlfriend that he gives him both a sex lesson, and a condom to practice it; Charlie belong to the 90s generation which is more tolerant towards LGBT rights, so Chbosky is sort of showing us the evolution of the American society throughout the twentieth century, he even refers to Harvey Milk. Patrick and Brad are both gay in the book, Although Patrick is quite/very open about his sexuality, Brad is very afraid of his sexuality being exposed.




The Perks Of Being A Wallflower is a perfect book to understand the shift from the lost generation, to a more lost and virtual generation. In the book, we see the rise of new mediums of communicating one’s thoughts and feelings, like mixtapes, nowadays it’s more developed so it’s a harder experience for young adults to find a “friend” who would understand them then Holden Caulfield, or Charlie. Yet, the issues the book deals with are still relevant, and even more relevant than before, the scale of drug use, suicide, depression, and alienation young adults deal with is still overwhelming.




Stephen Chbosky made The Perks Of Being A Wallflower such a remarkable work of fiction through his realist, not exaggerated style, and his tangible characters who make us contemplate our own lives, and future.




If you ever feel depressed, lonely, or misunderstood just reach out for a friend like Charlie did.




Finally, your suggestions, comments, and criticism are highly welcomed!